Thursday, July 5, 2012


Hello everyone. This this going to be a different kind of post.

I put up a video on my YouTube channel around midday on July 4th, telling everyone that I hope they have a wonderful 4th of July and to be safe. I went on to show some of what I was wearing, just a casual shirt and some jeans that I rolled up into capris. I also showed what eye makeup I was wearing. Just one of those videos, I did it on my Mom's webcam because I didn't have my camera and I wanted to upload it from there, without having to wait to import it from the card, then to go onto YouTube and do all of that junk, it was quick and easy. That video was up for around 10 hours. I took it down because I was angry, was it a rash decision, yes, it was but I was very angry.

Why was I angry (I still am by the way) and why did I take the video down? Well, I got a comment on that video by someone that told me that I was ugly and nothing I would ever do would make me beautiful and that I should go kill myself. Did that upset me? Yeah, not the upset where I would cry and feel bad about myself. It honestly really pissed me off to no end. I put a small rant on facebook and twitter. I even considered doing a video about it. I have it recorded, but I am not sure if I am going to put it up. I am going to do a video when I am not in such a bad mood about it however.

Now, I don't know who this person was, or why they chose to single me out and tell me that horrid thing. Yes, I know that I am not the only one that this is ever happened too, but things like this need to be brought out into the light and shown and told about. ( I did report the person and have blocked them from my YouTube channel) In all honesty, I am not hurt by it. I would NEVER take something that someone types to me on the internet and get depressed about it. People hide behind their computer screens and live by maliciously attacking people they do not know online. I don't understand why people have to be so ugly to others!

Obviously that person is not happy with themselves to the point where they have to go online and attack someone about the way they look, their weight, or anything like that. Especially telling someone to kill themselves! What the hell!? You don't know that person, you don't know what is going on in their life! How do you know if that person is already considering suicide and YOU are the one that pushes them over the edge to where they kill themselves?!  Would that make you feel any better?! I seriously DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT.

I have been bullied all of my life. I will not lie, from Elementary school all of the way through high school I was bullied. I have never been a small girl, I have always been big.  I ALWAYS hated it, I wanted to be that skinny girl that everyone wanted to be friends with. Are you kidding me, I let things like that AFFECT EVERYTHING. If one person showed me one ounce of anything that they liked me, I clung. Especially my boyfriends. They made me feel like I was worth something. Granted I never had a boyfriend until high school, I never really wanted one anyways. I had one in my Freshman year, but it really wasnt great, it was actually a horrid relationship. I didn't date again until my Junior year. I dated my BEST FRIENDS brother, that was a huge no-no, but you know what I was in such a bad place my Junior year in high school, I just wanted to feel like someone loved me for who I was. No matter how big I was. I really did, that is all I wanted. I ended up ruining that friendship and lost my best friend, her brother also broke up with me, but that was nothing compared to the friendship I ruined because of it. Honestly, I never even told her why I did it. I will say this. I was in an extremely bad place in my life. In my Junior through the beginning of my senior year, I tried killing myself because the bullying I was going through was so horrid. I never told anyone about it and that was really my fault. I never even told my therapist about it.

But you know what, I am here now and because of that person on YouTube and what that person said to me, I realized that you know what I actually am happy with myself and I finally realize that I love myself. I don't want to lose this feeling at all. I actually feel happy. Granted, it shouldn't have taken someone to do that for me to see, but you know what, I realize it now. I also realize that there are people out there who don't have the strength to not get seriously upset or depressed about it.

Nobody should ever have to go through any type of bullying, whether it be online or it be to their face. Bullying is a horrid thing and it NEEDS TO BE STOPPED! Do people seriously get off to bullying people?  Do they have the mentality that if they bully someone online or to their face, that it makes them big and bad and everyone will like them? No it really doesn't, it makes that person look pathetic. A person who resorts to bullying is obviously NOT happy with themselves to where they have to put down other people to make them feel bad. How horrid is that?!  I just do not understand how people can do that to other people.

Let me tell you this. YOU are beautiful. I don't have if you are a size 0 or a size 30. You are beautiful, don't EVER let anyone tell you that you are not beautiful. You are loved for who YOU are, not for what people want you to be. Please DO NOT ever change for someone, especially if it is a change that is totally out of your character. If you do not feel comfortable changing what that person wants you to change, you don't need that person. No one should EVER tell you that you need to change. Don't ever do anything for anyone else. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. Don't do it for that boy you like to like you back. That is the worst thing to do, that is basically telling that person that they control you.  You are your own person. Don't ever change that. 

 NEVER let anyone get your mood down. If you let that person affect you, even if they don't know it. It is basically like telling the said person that they can control you. So, if you see something or someone says/does something that brings your mood down, just think about that, then hold your head high and tell yourself that YOU control yourself and no one will ever take that away from you. You are a beautiful person and should NEVER be brought down by ANYONE.

Bullying is a horrid thing and I know that I am not the only one in the world that this has happened too, but you know what, it needs to change. Bullying is extremely harmful and can sometimes end up with the bullying person trying to end their life, or actually ending it. I have seen so many new reports of KIDS killing themselves. KIDS you guys. Like middle/high school kids and maybe even younger doing it. Seriously, how horrid to have to lose  CHILD because they killed themselves as a result of bullying. Imagine how their family would feel if that person you  were bullying killed themselves. It would hurt a lot of people. I wouldn't want something like that on my conscious. I don't understand why people think it is acceptable to attack a person for the way they dress, look, act, their sexuality, or who they hang with. Its just ridiculous and it needs to be stopped.

That is honestly all I have to say about that. I really could go on and on, but then it would get to be too long. So, I shall end it here. I am sorry about such a negative post, but I wanted to address it, I really did.

I hope you all have a lovely day/night wherever you are!

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