Saturday, July 6, 2013

BPD... What? An little chat.

Hey everyone!

This is going to be a way different kind of post. I'm going to try and keep it in the positive sense, but I don't know what has come over me, but I really feel that I need to talk about it.

As I'm sure you don't know, (I've kind of hinted about some stuff on twitter etc) but I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) no it is not schizophrenia at all. Basically I am emotionally unstable. Crazy huh? Ontop of that I have severe depression. (that we may talk about later) I was diagnosed with it when I was in High School when I basically went off the deep end. From my Sophomore to Junior year in high school I basically was in a downward spiral. Suicide attempts, cutting, etc. I didn't do drugs or anything, that's gross. I'm HIGHLY against drugs, like you have no idea how bad I am against them. Off topic... You may be asking why exactly am I talking about this? I don't want to scare anyone off, or have people judge me or think less of me, but honestly I want to be open with everyone.
BPD is really hard to treat without medication, you basically are even more unstable without meds. I stopped taking my meds a few months after I started them. Why? They gave me the worst migraines of my life. No joke, to the point that it would keep me home from school, not only that but they made me feel like a mindless Zombie. Yeah, no thanks.
I try and keep a positive outlook on life and look for the positives in every single situation. I don't want to be the negative Nancy like I used to be, because it sucked hard. I can go from being happy, to wanting to cry in a matter of seconds. I can also get extremely pissed off for no reason at all (trust me it happens) It's all a cycle of un-fun stuff.

The ONLY THING that has kept me going and helped me truck on with life is blogging and the friends that I have made through blogging. Most of them are through twitter but you know what, I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm a part of the Beauty Bloggers Of Central Florida and have met some of the most amazing ladies. You all have an amazing impact on me, like you have no idea. If I'm ever feeling down or anything I just have to go on twitter and y'all can make me feel better, even if you don't know anything is wrong. I also have two friends that I talk to a lot through facebook, it used to be every day, but I've distanced myself from facebook and basically the internet.

I am extremely grateful for all of the opportunities that I have gained from blogging. I would never want to give up what I do because it makes me feel amazing being able to help others out and to give my opinion. I know you hear this a lot, but I've never been dishonest once when giving a review. It's basically something I can't do. If I were to lie about something it weighs on my mind like crazy and I would feel terrible about it. I've never been anything but honest with you all and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Why am I telling you all this? I want to be honest and I want you all to know where I come from. I feel like it can give you all a better insight to me as a person, instead of someone sitting behind a computer, taking pictures of things and typing words.

Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. I was plenty ashamed of myself until I found this wonderful community.

I hope you all are doing well! :) See you later for a nail post! (it's going to be super quick because It's a comparison) then we have some makeup and body posts! Woot! Getting back on track!

Also, check out Nikki Gee MUA on Twitter I probably would still be in a dark corner of the room if it wasn't for her! xx Much love!

I did this post to be completely honest and up front with you all. If you stop reading my blog/unsubscribe I guess I will understand (nor will I be surprised). :) I promise posts like this will be totally rare. I just wanted to kind of give an insight into my life <3


  1. I think it's really brave of you to write this! I think sometimes bloggers keep up a "happy face" all the time but we're all human and it's nothing to be ashamed of/hide from.

  2. Aww thank you! xx It took a lot for me to post this actually. I could have typed a butt load more, but I figured I would keep it short. I definitely think that bloggers try and keep a "happy face" but I feel like those that share little personal bits into their personal life makes them more relate-able and not like a robot.

  3. It probably sounds weird, but the bloggers who are ALWAYS super-chipper and chic and everythingisjustsobeautifulaboutmylife--I really, really don't like those blogs. I guess because I don't connect to them, you know? If I want that I will read a magazine like Allure or a celeb interview, but the reason I like blogs better is because it feel like reading a girlfriend's take on things, not some plastic beauty Barbie. So if the blog is too perfect, I don't like it as much.