Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Mental Illness...

So this is a topic that I have touched on a couple of times in the past but I always end up deleting the posts or making them private. Simply because back then I was embarrassed about it and about the Stigma. I don't particularly like talking about it just because it's something most people don't understand..I was even going to do a post along with a bunch of other bloggers back a few months ago, but I never got to it because..well I simply didn't want to talk about it then. However in light of the recent suicide of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park..I want to talk about it.

Usually celebrity deaths don't affect me in the slightest..Yes they are upsetting and god damn it sucks. However none of them have affected me like Chester's has. Back when I was in middle school I had starting listening to Linkin Park but in high school is really when I started to really struggle with some stuff. Linkin Park and Chester's voice had helped me get through a lot. I religiously listened to Linkin Park and I have most of their albums, except for the recent 3 of them, but I listen to them on Spotify. That is beside the point though. This band helped me get through so much when I was in high school, even when I tried to kill myself. Yes, I am going to admit that right here and now...there is a little known fact about me...After that had happened and after the self harming, I decided to get help from a therapist as well as when I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety as well as Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has nothing to do with schizophrenia, so let us just stop that thought process right there. The symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships. So if you have ever wondered why I am crap at having social relationships...there ya go, now you know. I am also extremely insecure as well as I am pretty impulsive with quite a few things. I also can jump from one emotion to another in seconds. People don't particularly know how to handle it, especially my Husband. Even after 10 years he still doesn't quite understand but he tries. That is all that matters though.

Anyways, all of that aside, BPD is a pretty difficult mental illness to deal with because there really isn't anything that helps it at all. I even stopped taking the medication for it because it didn't help.

Basically what made me decide that I wanted to finally address and talk about it is ultimately Chester's death. I honestly don't think that I will ever get over it. He was such a bright light in everyone's lives. So many of Chester's fans and LPs dans are greatly affected by his death. It just goes to show you that no matter how happy someone seems, there are always demons that you cannot see.

All I ask is that if you know someone who has a mental illness just check in on them. They may not want to talk about it BUT you just letting them know that you care could mean the entire world to them. You never know what is going on in someones mind or if they are struggling with some thing. People are pretty good at hiding things, myself included. Just check up on your friends and loved ones to make sure they are okay and make them smile and happy. You could end up saving their life and not even know it.

I think hearing or possibly talking to someone does more good then you all think. I sure as hell would have appreciated it back in high school. Especially when every one thought it was just for attention.

Be kind to others. 

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